Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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