i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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