I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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