i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
