I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
