i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
