why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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