guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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