separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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