dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
