OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
