Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
this hospital has no fireball
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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