You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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