Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
