This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
