Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
