If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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