Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
