what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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