Pants 0. Shit 1.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're like the curious george of whores
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
