never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
