If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize