that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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