Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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