I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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