I heard we made out
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
