he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
