Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
