I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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