Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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