you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
