he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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