My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
