I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
