i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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