Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
