I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
