i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
