I hate your face
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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