Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
