you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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