Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
