So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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