girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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