I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
