I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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