my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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