is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
