Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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