I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
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Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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