So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
