After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
