hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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