i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
