no, he came in my armpit
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
