if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
