just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"