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• (810): View more from Michigan

  nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.

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• 

  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

  (425): View more from Washington

  I want to be you.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.

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• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering

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• (415): View more from California

  he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed

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