the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.