just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."