My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
