i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
